I heard we made out
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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