So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
