I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
