I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
