You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
