Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think your dad took our porno
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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