Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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