I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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