May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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