just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
a search helicopter?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
