Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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