i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
