Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize