Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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