i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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