We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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