Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
