I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
