I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize