I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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