the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
