What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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