I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
