some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
