he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
