Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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