and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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