literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
