Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
