Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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