stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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