No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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