is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
