hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
