yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
