There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
