ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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