he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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