During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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