I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
