mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
