I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
