could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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