the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
