A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
