I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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