so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
