Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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