i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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