Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How's work?
Spinning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
