batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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