No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
