Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
