Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
