I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
