I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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