You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
