Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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