Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
