I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
