Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
