You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
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