her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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