Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
how drunk are you?
Several
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
