No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
