I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
